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so maybe you can afford your bills, but mine are over 20,000, and , his bullshit will kill people, hospitals will turn you away if you do not have insurance ,Well done <user name>! You found that very quickly indeed! We’re going to talk to you as if we know you and are genuinely excited even though.

Have Innocent – the undisputed kings of insincere, matey corporate PR wank – shoehorned Pokemon Go into any of their terrifyingly condescending status updates yet? I always imagine the atmosphere walking into the Innocent offices to be somewhat similar to that of entering the premises of a cult.

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Image V-NeckThat unshakeable sense that something is not quite right, as every employee you see offers you a glowing smile. That feeling that everyone around you is affected with an intangible, unknowable fanaticism; thinly hidden by a aggresively-programmed veneer of friendliness. But maybe not. Maybe they’re just nice. Maybe you’re the horrible one.

Your carefully guarded cynicism has already been bruised by a security guard who made a genuinely amusing Father Ted reference opening a door for you. You’re not sure anymore. The receptionist is disarmingly pretty, she gets up and gives you a hug, followed by a jokey ‘AWkwaaard!’.

You’ve forgotten why you were there. For some reason at that moment you remember that got your mother a £20 John Lewis voucher for her 60th birthday, Level Of Savage Low Medium Cancer Shirt. You’ve always been a bad son… a bad person. These people are good. You come to and the receptionist is talking loudly – ‘We bleed smoothies here at Innocent. Not literally, that would be disgusting!










